Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
