Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
