i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this boner is exhausting
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
