there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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