U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can't special order awesome
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
