a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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