eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
