Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
