If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
