Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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