i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
