plz talk dirty to me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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