I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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