he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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