from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
