I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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