I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
