I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
