i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
