Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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