My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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