Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just google imaged poop.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
