Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
