i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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