distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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