He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
