why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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