Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
