I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
