Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
