There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
