I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Welp...herpes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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