NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
