I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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