First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
