Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
