She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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