ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
