can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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