38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
