If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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