You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
