I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
