she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
