I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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