to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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