Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
