you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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