i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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