I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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