Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
