If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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