I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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