Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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