He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
