Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
