youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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