I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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