My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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