Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
