are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
