I want to make a zoo with you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
