I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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