after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want her autograph on my taint
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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