My brain says no but my pants say off.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
