The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
