He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
