The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
