Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
