So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have aggressive nipples.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
