There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
