I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
