Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
