I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
