I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
