On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i've created a new STD.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
