i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
