So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
