It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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