just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
