shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
