So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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